24 Aug2005

Charmin Toilet Paper

by Marketman

Charmin To Go – a small portable supply of Charmin toilet paper in a handy pull-out dispenser!!! atp1You may be asking what the heck is a post on toilet paper doing on a food weblog but indulge me for a minute or two. First, what goes in must come out, right? And for a very rational person like Marketman, I believe that you only use the best when it is closest to home, if you know what I mean. Ever since my paycheque exceeded my spending requirements, I have paid that little extra for some premium toilet paper. I think it is a much better use of extra disposable income than say a fancy car or a snazzy pen. My friends know that I am almost pathological about keeping a good supply (say 50-100 rolls in reserve) of Charmin in the house. At the height of the post-1997 financial crisis, most stores in Manila stopped carrying this Marketman necessity and I nearly resorted to balikbayan boxes filled with rolls of Charmin shipped from the U.S.!

Ridiculous you say? Wasteful? Outrageous!? I think not. Before doing the desperate, however, a friend at the Asian Development Bank let me know that they were still selling this precious commodity in the ADB commissary so I was able to load up with the help of ADB friends. At a lovely dinner one evening, discussion turned to my “obsession” with Charmin and a dinner guest challenged me to pick out my Charmin in a blind toilet tissue test – he was convinced I couldn’t tell the difference. Blindfolded, I had to pick out my beloved Charmin from one of three different squares of toilet paper… I SUCCEEDED, thanks, and that ended all talk about the subject. This little portable package of Charmin in the photo was a pasalubong from a dear friend who recently returned from a trip to the U.S… isn’t it a terrific idea?

While we are on toilet paper humor, I should recount one of my most embarrassing and yet totally amusing stories… while in Cebu City for a day of court hearings, I was at the Ayala mall for lunch, and I subsequently had to use the bathroom and paid for the PHP10 first class version, an airconditioned oasis for pooping with lots of toilet paper (not Charmin). As inculcated by a germ-paranoid mother, I draped tissue all over the seat and on all water surfaces (so no skin touched plastic or porcelain and no splash when bombs dropped). I finished my business stood up and happily walked through the mall before my next court appearance. I got into a cab, walked through the hallways of the Cebu City courthouse and into the sala of the judge where I was to appear. A really warped looking female prisoner in handcuffs kept gesturing to me wildly and pointing at me. I was certain she was headed to the mental hospital and I tried to ignore her. Just as I rose to take the witness stand, I realized that I had a three foot long piece of toilet paper hanging out the back of my pants like a tail. Omigod, some of the draping from the earlier bathroom run had come along with me the entire afternoon!!! The prisoner was trying to do me a favor. Outrageous! This is a true story. I held my head up high, scrunched up the offending portion of toilet paper and continued on with my testimony. Some things just happen. Heeheehee.



  1. edee says:

    hahahahhahah :)

    i didn’t know we have charmin in the philippines ….

    I hope you’re feeling better now :)

    Aug 24, 2005 | 6:30 pm


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  3. fried-neurons says:

    LOL. That’s too funny. I also have a thing about always having a good supply of toilet paper at home. Memories of childhood in Manila, having to send the maid out for an emergency TP run, haunt me. LOL. Although, I only keep about 1 to 2 dozen rolls at a time.

    And I don’t like Charmin because it clogs up low-flush (1.6 gpf) toilets. I like Kleenex Cottonelle Ultra with Aloe. :-D

    Aug 24, 2005 | 8:44 pm

  4. Marisa says:

    A few days ago there was a recipe of turon with flat tops and chocnut…been looking for it and can’t find it…where is it?

    Aug 24, 2005 | 8:45 pm

  5. carol says:

    “Ridiculous you say? Wasteful? Outrageous!? I think not.”

    Anal? :-)

    Aug 24, 2005 | 8:56 pm

  6. Marketman says:

    Marisa, the recipe for turon with flat tops and chocnut is on 80breakfasts weblog of joey…she is in my links page.

    Aug 24, 2005 | 9:11 pm

  7. ANNE says:

    LOL MM…. i just thought i read that story somewhere but it did really happen to you?

    It sure made your day huh?? :) :) :)

    Aug 25, 2005 | 1:14 am

  8. filet minion says:

    atty. marketman,
    bwahahaha! that happens to me all the time too! but not with charmin or regular toilet paper laden around the toilet seat, usually with the stolen starbucks brown paper napkins when the ilokana in me feels overcharged for the espresso i just bought.

    Aug 25, 2005 | 2:29 pm

  9. mlq3 says:

    a cousin in the states told me filipinos tend to clog up bowls because they don’t realize american toilet paper is so thick. i must say everytime i’m in the states, a great reminder of first world life is the first poop one takes in america.

    Aug 25, 2005 | 3:06 pm

  10. rose aka sofia says:

    :lol: :lol:

    Gotta get myself some of those Charmin To Go thingies. Will ask my sister since she works in ADB…

    :lol: :lol:

    Aug 25, 2005 | 7:07 pm

  11. bugsybee says:

    ha ha ha! Marketman, this gave me a really good laugh and it’s almost 2 a.m. I wonder what all the rest who saw you thought about your “snow tail”.

    Aug 26, 2005 | 1:51 am

  12. stef says:

    LOL!!!! ohmigosh. any ideas i had of you being a sort of straight laced, stiff upper lip kind of person vanished with this post. thank you for the laugh!!!!

    Aug 27, 2005 | 3:48 pm

  13. Marketman says:

    This is an absolutely 100% true story. Glad you all thought it was amusing. I am too old to be embarrassed by it anymore…heehee.

    Aug 28, 2005 | 3:13 pm

  14. charmaine says:

    marketman, you are amusing. hahahaha. you make me laugh a lot. thanks

    Aug 16, 2006 | 1:19 am

  15. Rose says:


    Nov 15, 2007 | 3:29 pm

  16. sierra1 says:

    LOL!!! thanks for sharing this story. i just came across it for the great treasure hunt game :)) you just made my day. LOL!!!

    Nov 15, 2007 | 4:50 pm


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