It is perhaps telling that in recent conversations with the Teen, I have been heard to say things like:

“Do whatever you want to do when you grow up, but do it exceedingly well. Good things should follow after that. But you MUST be able to fend for yourself once you reach adulthood.”

to which she smartly observed and remarked…

“But Dad, that isn’t what you did. You worked your butt off to be totally financially independent (and saved heavily) and retired before 40, so that now you can do just about anything you want… that was backwards.”

So who knows which route the Teen will choose? That, is completely up to her.

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On another note, I find kids do “waste” a phenomenal amount of time (a pet peeve of Ms. Chua) which could be spent on other activities. Most notably, kids seem to be reading less, writing casual notes and formal papers less, conversing less, etc. If there is one thing I wish parents did more of, it was simply spend more time with their children, sit down to meals together often, discuss brainless things and weightier matters. Ethics, logic, rational thinking does not have to be pedantic, but if you work them into everyday conversations your children should absorb some of it. And I am with you in that I hope the Teen will eventually figure out she needs to give back to the community in which she was raised, that she is indeed a proud citizen of the country that is her home.

I have said it before and will say it again — the smartest thing I ever did was retire from full-time work early so that I could be home a lot when the Teen was growing up. Mrs. MM was also at home for most of that period as well. The first decade or decade and a half passes so quickly, and now they are headed off onto their own adventures, hopefully armed with enough sense to find a reasonable path. Just as we need to know how to guide, we need to know how to let go at the right time…

Are we so lost and unremarkable a people that even now that Filipinos are counted as the second largest Asian ethnic group in the US, we are yet unworthy of even a mere tick on a simple questionnaire, whereas White Hispanic and Pacific Islanders do? Really?

I don’t really expect an answer, but perhaps a little introspection is good for our collective soul. Success for purely materialistic gain is unpalatable to me. Better to succeed first in building strength of character and moral well being, and thence responsibly create wealth and surplus for ourselves and our community. Would we really want the world’s fading recollections of us evoke only Imelda’s shoes, or over indulgence in karaoke? I can only hope that future travelers to our land would find false one foreign visitor’s published observation of Filipinos’ character as being “helpful but tainted” with the barely concealed lust of financial gain.

I do my best to instill in my kids not only the drive to excel but to couple with it a sense of noble purpose. After all, what is at stake is nothing less than the legacy of our nation and our people.

Thank you MM for your blog, and your forbearance.

Although I am sympathetic to Amy Chua’s goal of bringing (wringing in her case) the best out of her children, her methods of doing so are appalling. To borrow the old adage “masahol pa que sa aso”. Does the end justify the means? Certainly not in this case where other means are proven as effective if not more so. I believe in encouraging our children to success, rather than belittling and shaming them when they fail.

And to Fried-Neurons’ comment, I’m not so sure that the studies exclude Filipino children from the Asian group. My kids go to different schools and where one school does not have the “Filipino” race in their student questionaire, the other school do. When not included, I know many Filipinos simply check Asian or Pacific Islander.

“Most upsetting was the description that “filipinos just liked to sing karaoke” or some such …” yes it would be alarming if true, and upsetting if false because it promotes an unflattering stereotype. It can’t be true can it? If true, then odds should have been in our favor that Justin Bieber would come out of a population of 94 million (Philippines) rather than Canada with only 34 million. Then again, maybe it’s a good thing :-)

https://www.mercatornet.com/articles/view/tiger_mother_and_her_critics_both_wrong/